Equine Blog February 2015

‘Horsey Talk’ interpretation for non- horsey office colleagues

The winter months are well and truly upon us and the windy, cold, wet, dark mornings challenge the most dedicated and hardy equestrians. Whilst horsey life can be hard work spare a thought for our non- horsey colleagues who must be left wondering why we continue to love the sport. This light hearted blog is all about demystifying our equine language. The translations below will hopefully help our co-workers understand the minds and moods of their equine colleagues.

1. ‘I’ve just spent a fortune on leather boots, a new whip and spurs’ This does not mean that your colleague has been inspired by her visit to the cinema to watch Fifty Shades of Grey. It means that your colleague is well equipped for a day in the hunting field.
2. ‘I’ve qualified for the Petplans’ This means that your colleague is going to be in a really good mood all week because she’s managed to get enough good dressage scores to go through to the second round of a major dressage championship.
3. ‘I’m going to do some lunging tonight’ It does not mean that your colleague has taken up fencing. It means that colleague will exercise her horse on the end of a long rope instead of riding it.
4. I’ve thought long and hard about this but I’ve decided for safety sake to cut my horse’ You don’t have to reach for the phone and make a report to the RSPCA, your colleague is simply having her horse gelded so it can no longer breed.
5. I’ve spent the entire weekend browsing the net for studs and I’ve found the perfect stallion’ This means your colleague has found a suitable sire to breed from her broodmare (see also number 1).
6. ‘I’m love my horse, he’s so engaged at last’ This does not mean that your colleague has lost all sense of perspective and reason. It means your colleague has been practicing her dressage and managed to get her horse to carry itself properly. This takes some effort so pretend to be pleased for her.
7. It’s the Nationals this weekend and I think I got a good chance’ You’ve got no chance of getting any work out of your colleague this week and if you want Friday off, forget it. She beat you to it as she booked it off months ago
8. ‘My groom has rung and told me Merrylegs has colic’ This explains why your colleague has just exited the building at warp speed 10 and is unlikely to return to the office today
9. ‘I overslept this morning’ This actually means is that your colleague got up at 6.30am instead of her usual time of 5.30am.
10. ‘I’m not riding anymore and I still can’t seem to make ends meet these days’ Your colleague’s horse has gone lame and no one knows why. She’s spent a fortune on vets bills/equine massage therapy/equine hydrotherapy but Merrylegs steadfastly refuses to become sound.